i've letting it play too much on my mind. toying with that stupid thought. i cant conceal the way i see it. there's so much to lose,yet either nothing or so much more to gain. maybe i'm just being paranoid. lena in JLC says,"i always thought it mattered,to know what is the worst possible thing that can happen to you,to know how you can avoid it,so not to be drawn by the magic of the unspeakable." i wanna know what my future in this holds. i wanna know what is the worst thing possible that can happen to me if i carry on. i wanna know how i can avoid it. all these,i wanna know cos it meant the whole world to me. but its not possible. which is why i'm in a dilemma. really,what is going wrong cos everything seems like its falling apart. my 3rd week of the new year didnt go exactly well,everything just slaps me it the face. my paranoia and negativity made everything way worse than what it was supposed to be. and now all that mattered is that i learn to move on and get back up on my feet. optimism vs pessimism. to fight it. to see things in a different light.. i wonder too if you'd see this,i've decided to give it another go. i was dead serious yesterday,but to think back,its really easier said than done. all i do not need was that moment of impulsiveness,foolishness and stupidity to make the wrong choice. i know ima regret if i ever do so.
ME.
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