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8.01.2006 08:23
i was glad many people came by 8 yesterday to pay their respects to grandpa-i was told it was his wish. i shook everyone's hand,trying to remember who is who's relatives and friends. why does it take a death for the living to gather? something to reflect upon,like how i never keep in touch with many and now,everybody. i found myself so patronising trying to force a smile and say hi so and so. i wished so much to sit alone by myself. its the fourth day; tomorrow's the fifth and grandpa will have to be cremated. the days blended cos i stayed up every night and will only come home at 8 to bathe and get back there again. i'd take a look at grandpa every now and then. i dont know if i am still in denial of his departure because i still feel that grandpa is here with us. i dont know how is everyone going to cope tomorrow morning. i have never felt so lost before and i am struggling trying to find out what are my feelings now...
silently the senses abandon their defenses.


ME.
ruthg
200790

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