1.21.2007 00:24
life is full of the unexpected yet its filled w so many expectations. what are your(yes you the one reading this) expectations of me? as a friend,as a sister,as whatever. does expectation also come with taking things for granted? tell me what is expected then because i really dont know.
the unexpected often leave me to realise that there are really many things we are not able to do to help ourselves. this pride in me sometimes refuse to seek refuge in God.
trust in the Lord always, and lean not unto thine own understanding.
what could i do to stop granpa from dying? what could i do to prevent mum from going to the hospital? what could i do to stop myself from losing people so dear? what have i done for them actually. what have i done to please God and stop my own worldly ways. what can i do now?
mixed feelings inside of me.
thank God for thy mercy and grace. for mum was sent to the hospital and discharged after treatment. it left me utterly shocked. i felt helpless and useless, yet i was hopeful that the Lord would answer my careless prayers. the Lord has been so good to me.
i have been such undutiful granddaughter to granpa. yet i am trying to fulfil my duties to my other three grandparents yet nothing i do can get granpa back again. how sad i still am. how lonely i felt. how i would cry to sleep. why do we always have to learn things the hard way? how forgetful humans are, we tend to forget even people around us. cherish is the word easy to say yet so few could do. how forgetful i was to have neglected them.
"dont let me go
when i'm this low
why cant we talk about it
why cant we figure it out
i wanna know
as people grow
how do they sort it all out
work out what it is about
so tell me now yeah i've gotta know
when this feeling i've got wont let go."
