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8.07.2007 22:40
i rarely find myself typing here anymore. but oh wells...

finally a long legal break starting from tomorrow. i mean, like its official(not like the usual breaks i'd give myself away from school). not like i'd get to do all the things i've always wanted to do, and be away from the stuffs that has been bombarding me, ever since i decided and clinged onto the stubborn decision of staying in a jc. but at least its a break away from all the lectures and tutorials and long dreading hours.

im sure many people also thought about this before,
"how would it be like if im not in a jc?"
that question has been at the back of my mind for a really really long time.
then i'd get put off by grown ups who are ever so judgemental. they'd think im trying to run away from meeting deadlines, projects and homework but has it ever occur to them that perhaps, its really not within my capabilities to cope with all these? then they'd just laugh it off and pretend i never brought it up. oh yes tell me im not trying. ive tried and im tired. )':

i dont really care if good grades would bring me anywhere, do i sound like a willful and ignorant child? its been 7 plus months and the thought of quitting never left me, its been 7 plus months yet sometimes, i really really dont know whats going on. its been 7 plus months and there is no turning back because i was told i must complete my education through the shortest route. quitting now would only contradict this idea and i would be such a letdown if i ever do so. and i'll be deemed as wasting one precious year of my life.

everything's okay. its just me contemplating about everything. sometimes, its good to stop by and think, it reminds you of the expectations others have placed on you and you, be sure not to destroy them. that is what keeps me going all the time i guess, to not be a burden to them. every now and then, i cannot help but to entertain the thoughts of quitting, yet its not very much of a choice to start with. it never was after i made the decision in the first place. so do or die. too bad for me.

i did nothing to deserve it and you were just being nasty. i finally saw you for the first time. )':


ME.
ruthg
200790

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